Friday, July 29, 2016

It's Friday!

Happy Friday!!

As I'm typing this at work!  Haha

Man, this week has been a tough one for me.  I've been working really hard to get the baby on a good schedule so we're both getting some sleep and I'm still making it to work on time.  It's been going pretty well, I was only late 2 days this week instead of 5.  I'm excited to report that now it only takes me two and a half hours to get ready instead of the four it was taking me.  I finally realized that I CAN put the baby in her swing and let her cry for a minute while I get dressed - it's helped out a lot.  Usually I just pump her full of boobie juice breast milk before I set her down so she's kinda milk drunk and doesn't really notice that mom's not holding her.  It's a good strategy.  

The food struggles are real though people.  This week has been kicking my hiney!  My emotions have been a little bit more intense this week and, as we all know, I comfort with food.  It's been really hard to try and resist that temptation this week.  It's amazing how many excuses or justifications that I can come up with to talk myself into getting something off of my meal plan.  I get so angry with Tim because he won't let me eat crap when I want to.  I'm not one of those people that can just have a candy bar or a coffee from Starbucks on occasion.  If I have those things, it's not just once in a while.  It becomes a weekly, then a daily thing.  I start to obsess about getting the next one.  I want more than anything to have a healthy relationship with food but the truth is that I just don't know how and I'm frustrated because of it.  I'm overwhelmed.  There's SO many resources out there but they all say different things.  I don't know which one to follow.  I hate meal planning because I don't know what to buy and it's easier to go to a restaurant and order off of a menu.  That option isn't available when I'm cooking at home.  I'm really struggling with that right now.

I know I have to get it together for Hadley.  Right now I just feel lost and a little desperate.  I know how to eat unhealthy.  I can tell you every restaurant within a 50 mile radius and I could probably quote their menus.  But if you ask me how to eat healthy and how to prepare it - I couldn't tell you to save my life.  Don't even talk to me about portions.  I couldn't tell a a single serving from Adam.  That makes me incredibly sad and I get down on myself.  What's worse is that I know that I self medicate with bad food but I still want to do it because I'm feeling low.  I wish I could get out of my own head sometimes.

1 comment:

  1. It is most definitely hard not to want all those foods, and it is hard to avoid going to the restaurant because it is easier. Here is how I started to look at it. If we keep going back to the restaurants, we will never learn how to eat the healthy way. You have been doing really good though! I am really proud of you! Love you! :) We can do this!