Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Here We Go Again

I’ve said it before, and no doubt I’ll say it again, but I’m starting over.  Sadly, it’s been more than a year since I’ve stopped caring about myself and I’ve gained back every pound that I lost plus 10 more.  I stopped working out and I stopped caring about what I ate and it absolutely shows.  I’ve been waffling back forth about getting healthy this whole time.  All these fluffy blog posts about how “now is the time” and “this time I’m doing things different” and yada, yada.  In reality, it was all bullshit.  I wasn’t ready to get back to it.  Knowing how much work I’ve got to put in to make a genuine lifestyle change wore me out before I even got started.  I was totally demotivated, depressed, and just discouraged to continue and at some point I just gave up.

Lately, a lot of thought has been going into what kind of future I want.  I know, and have known, that staying on this path is going to severely decrease my quality of life.  I know that there will be serious medical issues in the future if I don’t get it under control now – especially since I’m diabetic and my blood sugar has been out of control.  Tim and I have also been talking about what kind of a future we want together – whether that involves having children, traveling, or just doing small things like going on hikes or whatever.  Those things, while not impossible, are much harder and more difficult while being obese.  

The truth is, my reasons for wanting a healthier life have not changed.  If anything, I have more reasons to get healthy than I did before.  The only that had changed was not having any motivation to make any changes.  I knew this time around, if I was actually going to be serious, that I couldn’t start because I was excited and it was something new.  I would actually have to make the decision to just do and then push through all of the doubt, or self-deprecation, or whatever it was holding me back.  This time it would have to be sheer will that gets me through it. 

So, I made a decision.  I decided that I couldn’t continue living my life this way and, no matter what, I was going to change it.  I started a week ago.  I’ve waited to write anything, or tell my family or friends, what I’m doing because I wanted to make sure that I was actually going to follow through.  That first week is always the hardest for me and that’s usually when I cave and give up.  I start out good the first couple of days but by the end of the week I’m at Taco Bell in the drive-thru ordering six tacos and two burritos.  I didn’t want to write another bullshit post – I wanted it to be legit.
We are currently on day Five and so far we’ve been doing really well.  We set some goals when we started – things like making a meal plan, prepping our meals in advance, getting up and doing something active before work, and eating whole/unprocessed foods.  We’ve hit all of those goals so far.  It’s important to me that these changes are things that I can continue to do for the rest of my life.  I didn’t want this to be about starting a new diet, like HCG, because those don’t work for me long term.  So, I set goals in mind that would help me through the hard stuff and make it possible to succeed.  The key for me is the meal planning and prepping.  Having my meals and eating at work has been a huge factor in how successful we’ve been so far.  I know that I won’t go to the gym or want to cook after work so I just get it all done before hand.  Plus I’m not eating late and then going straight to bed.

All of the being said, to truly start over I have to re-post pictures of what I look like and what my weight and measurements are now.  This was a lot harder for me to do this time than it was the first time.  The first time going in I was pumped because I was motivated and knew my body was going to change.  I still know those things, but posting these photos now is admitting out loud that I failed.  It, honestly, makes me ashamed when I look at these pictures.  Anyway, here they are.  Please be kind in your comments – I’m beating myself up enough as is. 

Neck:   17.0
Right Bicep:  18.5
Left Bicep:  18
Bust:  55.5
Waist:  66.0
Hips:  59.0
Right Thigh:  29.5
Left Thigh:  28
Right Calf:  20.0
Left Calf:  20.0
Starting Weight - 337.2                       Current Weight - 327.2


  1. Never give up keep going. You can do it, never accept defeat!

    1. Thanks for the encouragement, Melissa!

  2. Good luck, Jenea. I think you are on the right track in losing your excess weight by following a plan you can maintain once you reach your goals. I have yo-yo dieted most of my adult life and it wasn't until I made the mental adjustment and realized I would never be able to eat as I perceived normal people eating have I been able to maintain a healthy weight. Once preparing my own meals from (mostly) whole foods became a habit, rather than relying on prepared foods, including restaurant dining, everything became so much easier. Eileen

    1. Thanks for the Comment Eileen! I really am looking forward to the day when all of this has become habit and it's all just second nature to me. I know between now and then it's going to be a lot of hard work. It's taken me a long time to realize that I can't eat whatever I want and still have a good physique. Obviously that has not been working out for too well, haha.

  3. Good for you, and I KNOW how hard it is! I am here at home with 9 kids still living here, and they like their Doritos and cookies, and ice cream in the summer! I don't eat sugar anymore, don't eat the chips, don't even taste the ice cream. But my metabolism is broken, I am just stuck not losing weight. I have arthritis in my knees, hips, and my feet ache like the devil by the end of the day. So I don't have any sterling advice for quick weight loss, but I will say this: do what you can while you are young! I am turning 50 tomorrow, and with the hormonal changes that middle age brings, losing weight is very hard, at least that's what I am attributing it to. I have found this though: drinking my coffee with coconut oil in it in the morning, and eating more fat and less carbs keeps me from craving sugar. I wish it helped me lose tons of weight too, but I am not giving up yet...just trying to tweak things and figure it out. It is depressing to deny myself day after day and not get results, but at least I'm not gaining more:). BTW, congrats on losing ten pounds! You can do this, hon. Look into the keto diet, it helps with type II diabetes. Even though I am 70+ pounds overweight, my fasting sugar level was only 90, and my A1C was 5.5. And like I said the cravings are at bay, and I am not led by my horrible love for sugar and all things yummy. Good luck!!!


    1. My work is the absolute worst! They cater stuff for us all the time and every month they host a "snack cart" which is basically baked goods and sugary treats! Today they had rootbeer floats. I said no - but it was painful, lol. Thanks for the sweats advice by the way - I'm definitely trying to figure something out to get my sugars down. My A1C was 7.9 this last time! Way, way too high. You truly are inspirational to me - I don't know how you even have the energy to do the things you are doing but I think you're amazing for keeping up with it!

  4. My heart goes out to you! It is very difficult to lose weight, stop smoking and other things as well. I am rooting for you, and I hope that you are able to succeed and to stick with it.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words!