Thursday, January 29, 2015

Back On The Wagon . . . So To Speak

As I'm sure all of you have noticed, it's been some time since I've actually had anything worthwhile to write.  In all honesty I've been waiting a long time to write this post.  I didn't want to write another fluff post claiming that I was going to get back to my healthy ways and then it never ends up going anywhere.  Then, months later, I'll be back with another craptastic post.

In all honesty, I've struggled.  I've struggled with my weight and I've watched it balloon up until I hated myself for it.  I've struggled with eating healthy and I've struggled with caring about it.  If I'm actually being 100% honest with myself, and all of you, I gave up.  I gave up on working out, I gave up on caring about weight - I just avoided the scale and mirrors, and I gave up on nutrition.  And you know what happened?  I started feeling like crap all the time, my diabetes came back in full swing so my doctors are freaking out and have me on all kinds of meds, and I've gained back all my weight plus some.  Yay for me, right?

Anyway, my point is this:  I didn't want to write another post I didn't mean and so that meant not writing at all.  I've been waiting until I knew for sure that I was going to be dedicated and committed to making a life style change.  This is NOT about losing weight and being skinny any longer.  It's about doing the best for my body that I can.  It's about extending my life expectancy, being active, and having a family some day.  There's so much more that I want than just to be skinny.  I want to be healthy!  I want to be medication free.  Don't get me wrong, the skinny will be an awesome side benefit but I'm just saying it's about so much more.  So, I've been waiting.  Waiting to write this post until I knew that I was back on the wagon and I was staying.

That being said, I am officially back on the wagon.  I've been meal planning, meal prepping, and avoiding the inside aisles at the grocery store.  The best part is that I've stuck with the nutrition.  And it's all been simple, clean, and healthy.  For example, this is how my week looked:

Wednesday - Spaghetti w/spaghetti squash instead of noodles
Thursday - Baked chicken, potatoes, and veggies
Friday - Beef Stroganoff (without noodles) in the crockpot
 None of these ingredients used any canned or processed foods!

It's been such a long time since I've done any meal planning that it's been a bit hard remembering what I want to eat.  I've been trying to eat simple, unprocessed foods while still getting protein, veggies, and fruits in there.  Right now my doctor also has me on a VERY low carb diet in an effort to get my blood sugars back down.  I've had no soda or sugary drinks so far.  

 My guy got a gym membership and we've gone every night this week, except tonight.  I would have gone tonight but I can hardly walk or lift my arms so I figured I better not push it.  I'll be going the rest of the week though.  Even though I've been sore, it's incredible how much I've missed the gym.  Right now the struggle for me is just making the time.  It's been a challenge trying to figure out the best times to go.  Tim and I both work 10 hour days which means that we get home, immediately change and go to the gym (which is next to our house), and then come home and eat.  We've been getting to bed around midnight every night and then we're up at six in the morning.  I'm a little sleep deprived but I've stuck to the plan so far.  We're still juggling and trying to figure things out so this routine is not set in stone at all.  I hate eating so late at night so I'm trying to figure out the best way to avoid that.   

I do have to give a shout out to the amazing guy in my life that's stuck by my side the entire time.  All these months that I've struggled with my weight, and sinking into this depression, he has stood by me and encouraged me the entire way.  Because of him, I've been getting out the funk that was my existence and I've been making changes to better OUR life together.  He pushes and stands by me when I can't do it on my own.  He sits down with me and helps me plan healthy meals and then he helps me cook them.  He pulls me forward when I feel like I'm taking steps backward.  Some days I literally could not do this without him. 

I'm not going to promise, you or me, that going forward I might not slip up.  I'm not even going to promise that I might not decide to have a root beer float tomorrow (don't worry - I wont).  I'm just not
going to let food control my life anymore.  I'm not going to worry, stress, and ultimately sabotage my own progress because I'm not perfect.  I'm going to do the very best I can, and some days it might not be my best at all.  But the beauty of this life is that we can always start fresh in the morning and make better choices the next day.  Here's to moving forward.