Saturday, June 21, 2014

Brutally Honest

It's certainly been a long time since I've posted and I wish that I could say that things have been going really well and my weight loss has been fantastic.  My news, unfortunately, isn't so great.  We'll just say that so far 2014 has been a rough year for me.

I started out this year pretty sick and ended up having to have gallbladder surgery at the end of March.  That sounds so simple but in reality it was months and months of pain and doctors visits trying to find out what was wrong before they determined it was my gallbladder.  Anyway, I've never had surgery before so I wasn't sure what to expect.  While painful, the surgery went very well and I was pretty much back to myself within two weeks.  There I was, two weeks into April and just going back to work.  I'd been put on a medical leave of absence, without pay, while I tried to get my medical situation figured out.  To say the least, I was pretty strapped for cash at that point. 

I went back to work for about a month and then I got mono.  If you haven't had mono, pray that you don't ever get it.  I have never been so sick in my life.  All I could do was lay in bed.  I barely made it to the shower and when I did I had to have a chair in there and someone to help me shower.  No joke!  It was miserable and the worst part is that I was on bed rest, doctor's orders, for eight weeks.  Literally just laying in bed.  At one point my tonsils and my throat swelled so badly that I ended up having to take steroids to get the swelling in my throat to go down.  Luckily I started to feel better shortly after that.  When I finally could get up and start moving around it was very slow going and I was extremely weak.  It probably took me another four weeks to get back to myself without tiring so easily. 

Now here we are at the end of June and I'm still out of work and pretty much destitute.  Job searching has been extremely hard as so many people here are trying to find work.  I finally landed the job I wanted, however it doesn't start until July 21st.  In the meantime I'm trying to find something temporary or I'm doing odd jobs around town to make money.  It keeps us in dog food but that's about it.  (Oh I forgot to mention I got two puppies in early February, when I was actually working.  More about them later!). 

As far as my health goes it seems that medically everything is on the mend and I'm hoping it stays that way.  My weight is a different story.  Last year I ended the year around 268 lbs having lost almost sixty pounds.  As of right now I'm sitting at around 316 lbs, that's 10 pounds away from where I started last year.  Just writing that down makes me want to break down.  I can't tell you how disappointed I am that things have turned out this way and that I've let myself go backwards after I swore that I wouldn't.  I don't have excuses but I can tell you that not having a steady income is a huge contribution to my weight gain.  I've relied on what friends and family can give me and my VERY limited income in order to eat.  As much as I would love to be able to afford fresh fruits and veggies, i just haven't been able to.  As you can imagine, I've been eating a lot of low cost, processed foods to get by.  NOT how I imagined my life going by any means.  On top of that, all the muscle I had put on last year is GONE.  Because I've been laid up so much this year I haven't had the strength to keep lifting weights and my muscle is just gone.  My legs, which used to be really really strong and super muscular, are now these puny, weak things.  It makes me super sad!

I'm hopeful that things are starting to turn around.   Like I mentioned earlier, I've landed a job that is more money than I've made in a long time and has amazing benefits.  Sure, it's a month a way but I've been making due so far so I'm hoping I can keep it up until then.  I've started going on walks in the evenings with my puppies (gone are the days of running-at least for now), and I've been trying to eat healthier.  I do try to buy veggies, though I can't always afford the fresh ones.  Instead I buy frozen fruits and veggies when I can.  They're not always the most edible but they're definitely better than canned or going without.

I've faced some pretty major set backs this year and I've struggled with some really difficult situations.  Though I've slid backward a bit I'm not giving up.  I'll get where I'm meant to be eventually and though it's slow going right now I'm still determined to get there.  I try not to focus too much  on what I've lost but instead try to stay concentrated on what I'm working to gain.  If I didn't then I would probably give up before I got started again.

Bottom line-Life happens and we all face setbacks.  Keep your head high and keep pushing forward.  

"Never, never, never give up!"- Winston Churchill


  1. Just know that you are loved and that you can do anything that you set your mind to. I hope that things get better and you can start blogging about all the success! Love you always!

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  2. You are very much welcome! :] 《3

  3. Girl i know exactly where ur coming from. Ive been super sick this last year too. Ive had everything from a diagnosis of a muscle disease to a infection in my heart to shingles and in between have hardly been able to put food in my mouth. Ive lost weight but in no way have i lost in a healthy way. Just keep staying positive and make sure u take ur time!

    1. It sounds like you've had a rough go of it yourself! I sure hope you get to feeling better. It can be pretty tough to stay positive amidst all the illnesses and rough patches going on but just know that eventually it does get easier. We can only do what we can do.