Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Camping Results

This last weekend was freaking awesome!  I was really apprehensive going into it and the entire way to our camping spot I was kind of freaking out.  Not to get too crazy personal but I had sort of a HUGE hang up about going to the bathroom in the woods.  Something about there not being four walls, a door, and a flushing toilet sort of freaked me out.  Plus I also might have a phobia of getting walked in on.  So that had me crazy nervous.  All's well that ended well and I'm happy to announce that I survived peeing in the woods!  Woohoo! 

So not only did I accomplish peeing in the woods I also got to spend some time with Breeze and his family, my family, another couple that brought all the camping gear (thank heavens), and some of Breeze's other clients-Frances and Lakota.  It was actually a great time getting to know everyone a little better.  We had some great conversations around the campfire and I enjoyed listening to some other perspectives. 

I tried new things this weekend (other than peeing in the woods, haha) including bear meat (not the momma and three cubs we saw), white water rafting (whaaaaa?), and sleeping in a hammock under the stars, which was awesome!  Breeze had to talk me, and my parents, into going white water rafting but I'm glad I finally decided to do it.  It was the very best experience and I finally realized that I am capable of a lot more than I thought I was.  I overcame other people telling me that I can't or shouldn't do something and instead trusted in myself that I could.  That was a huge step for me.  

Without further ado, here are some pictures of this last weekend.  Don't worry!  None of them are me going to the bathroom, haha.  I actually didn't take as many as I would have liked-I was to busy having fun:

Am I getting Skinnier??

My mom and our wieners

Four wheelin'

Breeze's wife Rebecca, also a Personal Trainer!

Bear meat breakfast.

My parents & Frances

Breeze & Rebecca's son, Aiden.

Do you love the hat?

Breeze-He might kill me 4 this, hehe.

I'm the one in the back!

My parents are in the front.  I'm on the boat in front.

Part of the canyon we rafted down

More canyon.

Tired wieners.

What a view!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Weekend Camping

This is it!  I'm headed to the big woods for some camping with family and friends.  This is a new idea for me as I haven't been camping in, well ever really.  I've been to campgrounds where they have convenient potty's and showers to use.  Not this time folks.  It's legitimate camping; in the woods without a potty.  You know what that means . . .

I have to tell you I'm really not excited about this adventure.  There will be lots of fun things to do like fishing, cooking over a campfire, swimming, and whatever else it is campers do.  I'm just not so sure I'm one of those outdoorsy kind of girls.  I'll guess I'll know after this weekend.

Wish me luck . . .

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Are you a self-doubter?

This topic has really been preying on my mind lately and here's why:  I'm a big self doubter.  I've realized recently that my go to phrase is Can't.  I can't do it.  I say that all the time and I know it's because I believe it.  It's holding me back from a healthy lifestyle, it's holding me back from having confidence in myself, and it's holding me back from the things that will give me joy.

I notice I have a lot of self doubt when I'm working out.  I tell myself all the time, "you can't run a mile, you can't lift that 45 pound weight, you can't do a push up".  It's my go to saying EVERY TIME and every time I usually try to give up on what I'm doing, or worse, quit before I even start.  I don't push myself to lift heavier weights because I never thought I could.  I didn't push myself to run-never even entered my mind-because I always told myself that was something I could never do.  It's sad to realize that these were my expectations of myself.

My last blog post I talk about getting a new job.  I was excited about this job because it had all the things that I told myself I needed.  Good pay, great benefits, and help with tuition so I wouldn't be putting myself in big debt.  All great things right?  Absolutely.  It was also working in a small call center for the college helping with student services.  I told myself back when I left DHL that I would never work in a call center again.  I was tired of not being able to see natural sunlight and being stuck on my butt tied to a phone all day.  Well I threw that out the window for the benefits this new job would offer me.  As you might expect, I was miserable from the first day.  I stayed there simply for the benefits.  I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to do the job and I didn't want to work for the people who hired me.  I was losing sleep, I was missing workouts, and my healthy eating was deteriorating because I was unhappy.  (All this in one week mind you.)  What else could I do though?  I needed the job and they paid well.

On Sunday, Breeze came over for one of our weekly workouts and we talked about this job.  I told him how unhappy I was there and how badly I wanted to do something else.  So he gave me a chance to change that and do something I so badly wanted to do-go to work for him.  Here's the kicker, and really what I'm talking about, I almost turned it down because of self doubt.

I started telling myself, you can't do this.  You're going to let them down.  You're not mature enough for this job, you're not a good enough writer, you don't know what you're doing, you CAN'T  do this and you are going to fail.  I almost let self doubt turn me away from a job that could turn into a career, give me some great experience, and most of all - make me happy.  All of this because I doubt myself.

Think about this in your own life as it applies to you.  Has self doubt got in the way of you reaching for the things you want the most?  Do you sit back, afraid to try something because you doubt you can do it?  I do.  I still struggle with stepping outside of myself and trusting that I CAN do something and be successful at it.  It's a process that's going to take some time to change but one I am desperately working on.  I am going to change my cants into cans.  I'm working on eliminating can't from my vocabulary and I push myself, with the help of Breeze and his family, to go farther and longer when I work out.  I've quite my new job to go work for Breeze, and even if it doesn't work out, I will have tried-my own self doubt be damned.

Monday, July 15, 2013

I Got A New Job!

I'm so excited to announce that I've got a new job!  I start tomorrow and I couldn't be happier.  Most of you probably don't know that I've been unemployed for the last five months.  I lost my job with DHL on the 1st of February when they closed the business here in Idaho and moved it to Arizona.  Since then I've been enjoying my time off of work, and school (College), and I've been able to do some traveling and visit with family and friends.  The other benefit of having so much free time is being able to workout whenever the whim strikes.  So while I loved having time off to enjoy the summer it was time to start looking for a job. 

A friend of mine, bless her heart, knew of a position that would be perfect for me.  She gave me an outstanding referral and I pretty much got the job right away.  I heard about last Thursday, had an interview on Friday and was told then that the job was mine.  Tomorrow is my first day!  It's a fantastic position working for the college I attend in their student services department.  I get fantastic benefits, great pay, and reduced tuition!  I cannot express to you how much I needed this job at this time in my life.  It's been a constant source of anxiety worrying about all the student loans and trying to pay tuition on my own on my limited budget.  This job is a serious blessing!

As you can imagine, getting this job does have an impact on my schedule.  I can no longer just go to the gym whenever.  Now I have to plan my times and make sure I get up to do it.  I have a feeling I might struggle with this a bit at first, I'm usually not a super early riser instead preferring to go to bed late.  This is definitely going to be changing.  Our trainers have been wonderfully accommodating of my new schedule and they're willing to work around it for me - which means early rising for them too.  I'm also going to have to be more diligent about preparing my food before hand.  Making my meals in advance is going to save me a LOT of time in the mornings and evenings for my workouts. 

To be honest, I'm a little nervous that I'm going to fall back into the work routine and slowly quit going to the gym or not wake up in time to workout.  I'm bound and determined not to let that happen but the thought that I might scares me a bit.  I'm sure figuring out this new schedule, especially when school starts again, is going to take me a minute and a lot of adjusting but I'm going to do it anyway.  Wish me luck!

Sunday, July 14, 2013

I'm Almost A Runner!

Okay, so saying I'm almost a runner might be stretching it but I did in fact run my very first mile on Friday and then another one on Saturday.  I went to a local high school and ran around their track, which is huge, four times to make a mile.  I ran a full lap and then had to walk a bit to catch my breath before starting the next lap.  To make sure I was really getting in my workout, the friend I went with decided it would be fun to run bleacher stairs.  Up and down counted as one.  I was only able to do five on Friday but Saturday morning I was able to do ten, after I ran my mile.  Who would have thought I could do that?  I used to hyperventilate just looking at stairs and now here I am running them. 

After the run we met up with our trainers at our gym where they pretty much obliterated our legs.  I'm not kidding either, I can barely walk today.  We did dead lifts, leg presses, weighted squats, calf raises, and a bunch of other stuff.  That combined with the stair runs pretty much killed my legs today.  It hurts but feels good at the same time.  I love knowing that I worked out hard!

We worked out again with Breeze at home today.  Because he worked our legs so bad we didn't run our mile.  But I think he's happy knowing that we've been running on our own.  Instead today we concentrated on arms.  Thank God it was a light day because I don't think I could have handled another intense workout.   I may have shed some tears, haha.

I'm excited to say that the rest of the day we've been taking it pretty easy.  We made dinner as a family and even harvested our very first zucchini's, ever.  They were huge!  And tasted so yummy when we made them for dinner.  I plan on going for a walk later just so I don't get stiff.  I'm hoping tomorrow that I feel a bit better but they usually say that's the worst day.  I guess we'll see.

Don't they look yummy?

Thursday, July 11, 2013

House Cleaning Is Excercise Right?

Today was a hectic day and even though I had every intention of going for a run this morning, I just wasn't up for it.  I think I've got some kind of stomach bug and it laid me up in bed all morning long.  When I finally did start to feel a little better I still didn't get to work out because we have company coming in town today.  I wanted to make sure the house was all clean, not that it's usually dirty or anything, but you know how it is.  You gotta make sure all the windows are scrubbed and there's nothing out of place.  I actually spent a couple hours scrubbing stuff down so I'm hoping that counts as my "workout" for the day.  I sure was a sweaty mess by the time I was done anyway. 

When Breeze was here on Wednesday he told us to get ready to run our first mile on Sunday.  I'm trying to prepare for that by running everyday.  I missed my run for today but I'm bound and determined to get it in tomorrow.  Speaking of running, I went to visit my ma at work today and on the front door of the building was a flyer for a 5k in September.  I think I'm going to give it a try.  I don't know if I'll be able to run ALL of it, but part of it would be nice.  How cool would it be to say that I actually did a 5k?  I've always wanted to so this would be a BIG accomplishment for me.  I'm going to try to keep running every day so I can build up my endurance. 

On the diet front, I've been sticking pretty vigorously to the menu.  Tonight I was STUFFED by the time I got done eating dinner.  It's actually pretty awesome because I'm trying different veggies, rice, and beans that I've never tried before.  I used to think I could cook but some of these vegetable have me stumped!  I had to YouTube a video on how to make bok choy tonight, haha.  It turned out pretty scrumptious though. 

Working out is a newer thing for me and I'm curious for those of you that have a busy life, how do you fit in your workouts?

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Planning Ahead For Success

I love this wkst because it has the food prep on it.  Ignore the writing in the middle, it's not mine.

Recently I've been thinking about planning my meals ahead of time.  I used to believe that I was great at organization and planning when in reality I was terrible at it.  Sure I could plan a pretty great party and organize my friends' books but when it came to food all the planning and organization stopped.  I simply ate whatever I wanted whenever the mood struck.  Unfortunately that behavior is what got me to 326 pounds. 

When I started my journey on the HCG diet, things were pretty darn strict.  I had a list of food I could and could not eat.  I knew exactly what to eat, how much to eat, and when to eat it every day.  I had a routine and it worked really well for me at the time.  That being said, I was ready to get off the diet.  I wanted to have more food options and I thought having more freedom would be a blessing.  It wasn't.  All of a sudden I had all these options to eat and I started going back to my crappy behavior.  I stopped planning my meals and logging what I was eating everyday, I quit counting calories and measuring out food portions, and pretty soon I was eating out more frequently and eating more than I would at home.  Before you start yelling, I will tell you I tried to eat healthy when I did eat out but that doesn't really justify it.  The cooks at the restaurants don't cook the way that I do at home.  How much butter, oil, or salt were they putting in my food to add flavor?  Where were they getting their meat and produce from?  The entree's I was eating were bigger than any serving of vegetable I got so in reality, trying to eat out and still be healthy wasn't really working for me.  It was a cop out and an excuse because I didn't want to go home and cook. 

Thankfully, our trainer put both my mother and I on a set meal plan.  As in he spent the time to make a meal plan down to the exact measurement of what we're eating.  It's not a a very strict diet, just slightly repetitive, but absolutely easy to follow.  He has us watching serving sizes and measuring everything I'm putting in my mouth.  He's had us doing this for a couple weeks now and I'm finally starting to "get it".  There's been days where I've been frustrated and blown it off but it's starting to come together finally. 

So in the past couple weeks this is what I've realized about planning your meals:  You need to start doing it.  If you have a set plan and you KNOW what you're doing, you do it.  It's a lot harder to get distracted and stray.  Because I'm eating every two hours I know that if I leave the house I need to be back to eat again or I need to take something with me.  It's severely cut down on my eating out and it's helping me plan my outings better.  Because of meal planning I've started logging what I've been eating again, counting calories-though you don't have to, and measuring my food.  I'm sticking to serving sizes and I'm not over eating.  Plus, I'm eating clean food that I've personally cooked and prepared myself-I know exactly what I'm putting in my mouth.  I can't stress to you enough how important this is.  I know that not planning ahead gives me opportunities to make unhealthy decisions.  Don't do this to yourself, make that change and start planning ahead. 

For those of you that are already making meal plans, is it working for you?  What are some of the benefits you're seeing?

Sunday, July 7, 2013

3 Month Update

This last week/weekend has been pretty crazy around this house and we haven't had much time to sit down.  I suppose that's a good thing, after all I've spent the majority of my life doing just that:  sitting.  However, among the craziness I realized that we hit our three month mile marker!  Three months is a LONG time in our house.  Never before have I ever lasted this long.  I would normally have dropped the exercise and re-visited the drive-thru line at Taco Bell by now.  While I have eaten out in the past three months I am extremely excited to say that I have not ONCE gone to Taco Bell.  Actually come to think of it, I have not ONCE in three months gone through a drive-thru anything.  Even when I was in Wisconsin (it was more like a drive-in but that counts!)  Anyways, we took our monthly photos so we can measure up our progress and while Shane is a little shy, my ma gave me the go ahead to post her pictures too!  So I've posted from right to left, starting with month one my weigh in was 326 lbs and as of month 3 I'm down 44 lbs weighing in at 282!!!  My sweet momma, also from right to left, started at 275 and she's down to 247lbs!  Woot woot!

It's pretty exciting stuff to literally see the change in my body.  I wish the pictures could do justice to the muscles that you can't see.  I have better definition in my arms, back, butt, and legs now thanks to our workouts with Breeze and his gang.  He's still making us run, the wiener, and we've been going strong for a whole week now.  Today he actually made us run around the whole block, WITHOUT STOPPING!  Or almost without stopping.  Okay I stopped a few times for a breather but he wouldn't let me do it for long before he was yelling at me again to move my hiney.  Come to find out that run was actually .6 of a mile.  It may not seem like a lot, it felt like a lot, but we're making progress.  It was more than I could do a month ago and it feels awesome to be able to do it now. 

In the meantime, he's still got us on a pretty set meal plan.  By that I mean he told us what to eat for a whole week and when to eat it.  I freaking hate it and wish I could set it on fire love it.  To be honest, it's been a bit hard for me to eat some of the things on his list.  He has me eating jalapenos for the love of peter.  So some things I have to choke down, but I'm doing it and I can see the results so in the end it's worth it.  Plus it's a very clean/healthy diet and I'm seeing more positive things like my skin clearing up.  (A word of advice, don't eat clean for a while and then decide to try some Ranch on your salad.  Believe me, you will live to regret that decision.) 

Today, our day of rest (Ha!), we got to enjoy some time at the lake as a family.  We had our regular workout this morning with the trainer, set up our beans for our afternoon meal, and then headed to the lake for some swimming.  After this morning's workout plus the swim, I'm a tad beat but I had to post some of the pictures we got at the lake.  It was absolutely the perfect day to go and the water was awesome!

Don't our black beans look Yummy?

She was ready to get her swim on

Isn't She Cute?

We felt good after our workout

Add caption

There you have it, part of our weekend adventures!  What did you do this weekend?

Friday, July 5, 2013

Fourth Festivities

Yesterday was an absolutely perfect day!  After this past week of temps above 107+ having a day in the 90s was a blessing.  It was cool and breezy so we decided to celebrate with a walk.  Ma and I took our wieners and went on our 3 mile walk.  We weren't sure how they'd do but they walked the whole way with us!

They were pooped by the time we were done!
After our amazing walk we came home for a shower and some lunch before we headed out to the grocery store to stalk up on some supplies.  I've been noticing lately all the awesome foods we're putting in our carts.  It used to be that I'd load up on stuff like mac-n-cheese, Top Ramen, hamburger helper, and crap like that.  It sure has changed these last three months!

I'm trying to be more excited about eating peppers

After our adventures grocery shopping I headed to Melba to meet up with some friends for their annual firework show.  They put on an amazing show!  It was a really awesome night for fireworks.  Plus I got to spend some time with my friends and I didn't go crazy eating junk food.  I did have one hot dog and a beer but I can live with it. 

Plus I got to spend some time with this cutie!

Here's a video of one of my favorite parts of the firework show.  It's not the finale but still pretty good.

I hope your fourth was just as awesome as mine was!

Monday, July 1, 2013

My Way Of Life

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to run.  In high school I would look at all my peers running around the track during P.E. and I could only walk it.  I was embarrassed to be heard breathing hard, or grunting with exertion.  Sweating made me feel dirty and disgusting.  I used these, not only as excuses, but crutches to avoid any and all exercise. 

Since starting my journey to a healthier lifestyle I've known for some time that regular exercise had to be part of it.  It's the regular part that gets me because I've never regularly done anything, except eat.  Honestly, I was dreading the workouts and a lot of it was because of embarrassment.  I've gone to the gym before and I've worked out but I've always kept my workout safe.  You know the ones:  taking some type of class, walking on the treadmill, swimming in the pool (usually with an over-sized t-shirt on).  It was about keeping my body hidden and not really exerting myself.  I was terrified to have people look at me and see me sweating or grunting.  I think a large part could be attributed to the fact that I didn't know how to work out.  I didn't know how to lift weights or what kinds of exercises to do.  So the combination of being embarrassed and self-conscious of looking bad was just too much and usually squashed any motivation I had to work out. 

Meeting Breeze, AT THE GYM, and asking him to be my personal fitness guru was a huge step for me.  I mean, I was talking about working out in front of a man.  Never ever would I have done that before.  When we first started I was embarrassed and I wanted to half ass some of the exercise because I was afraid of looking like a fool.  He wouldn't let me and eventually I got to a place where I was getting more and more comfortable doing the exercises.  I'm not saying that everyday I don't have to push myself to get past my embarrassment when he has me trying something new but I do it and I'm always grateful because I did.  Only once did I absolutely refuse to do something because I was embarrassed and afraid of looking like an idiot.  He let me get away with it, because I absolutely wouldn't do it, and I've never felt worse about myself than I did at that moment.  I've never let myself quit again.  Fear is what got me to 326 pounds and I refuse to let it keep me there. 

On Sunday I went jogging for the first time since my high school P.E. class.  I jogged for half a mile and I didn't stop once.  That may not seem like any great length to you but for me it was a huge success.  Building up my endurance and strength and keeping on a regular workout schedule has made a huge difference and being able to go jogging showed me just how much progress I've made.  I huffed and puffed and grunted my way through every second of that jog too.  I felt no embarrassment, only pride in my accomplishment.  Today I did it again.  I will continue to do it and eventually I'll go farther and for longer.  This is my new way of life and exercise will be a part of it.  

So my message to you is this:  get over your embarrassment and just do it.  Go to the gym and exercise.  Get a personal trainer if you need one, look up some exercises online, get a workout video.  Whatever you decide to do just do it and keep doing it!  Don't stop because it's hard.  You're body will be grateful and you'll be surprised at how much it can endure.  I know how you feel, I've been there.  You won't regret it if you do it.