I've been kind of scarce around here lately but things have been a tad hectic in my life and with Father's day approaching I hadn't really felt much like blogging. I've been debating with myself whether to post anything about father's day on here but then I figured why not. After all this blog is about me and that does include my emotions.
I guess to start you should know that I lost my father August 8, 2006. Since then father's day has been kind of bitter sweet. You see, I also have a step-father who helped raise me. He's been in my life for 18 years and I love the man dearly. I was raised in Idaho and my dad was in Wisconsin so Shane, my step-dad, has been there for all the moments my dad missed and will miss. So on one hand, we celebrate Shane but I also mourn the loss of my dad. Usually father's day isn't too bad for some reason this particular father's day it hit me pretty hard. I'm not sure if it's because I just recently got back from Wisconsin and my dad is fresh in my mind or what but I was an emotional wreck yesterday. I felt incredibly guilty for crying and being sad when I still have Shane here to be grateful for. I felt bad because I wasn't paying enough attention to Shane, if that makes sense. To make a long story short my mother and I got into a huge argument and I left for the day. When I did come home she spent the remainder of the evening in her room and we all went to bed with things left unsaid and unresolved.
Not surprisingly, this morning nothing had changed and we still didn't speak. Now I'll tell you, yesterday when I left I went to a friends and then we went to the cheesecake factory and I had a giant slice of cheesecake. I let my emotions speak for me and it really didn't help any. I didn't feel better about my situation or my dad because I ate badly. If anything I felt worse. So today, for whatever reason, I went to the gym to workout. I had no plans on meeting my trainer there and I went alone. I just wanted to put my earphones in and do some cardio. As luck would have it Breeze was there and he gave me a session and a pep talk. I sweated and cried my way through two hours of one hell of a workout. I went home feeling purged and much better about myself and I was able to speak to my mom and work things out.
Life happens and unfortunately sometimes it's not all rose petals and peaches. Sometimes it downright sucks. My first response when things get me down is to go grab something to eat-it's what I've done every time up to this point. Part of my journey is learning to cope with these situations in a healthy matter by recognizing that there are other options out there-like going to the gym instead of the drive-thru line at Taco Bell. I'm slowly starting to recognize it but it is a work in progress. That's why I have Breeze. The man is a Godsend. I can't tell you how much better I felt after working out today than I did yesterday eating out. I hope never to do that again.